Friday at the book factory.Brilliant.
I finally received a parcel from Albany; contents include: several Fence Books (Unspoiled Air, 19 Names for Our Band, and Rogue Hemlocks) as well as the last two Fence issues. BTW, Carl Martin’s book is an ass-kicker.
Anyway, opening the parcel reminded me of the Eat, Shit, and Die episode a few months back. Reviewing all the comments, I was reminded of the fragile poet stereotype…you know, all sensitive and shit.
This got me thinking about George Hitchcock and kayak and all those awesome rejection slips they used to send out. I wonder how today’s poets would react?
Most of today’s 666,000 literary journals have some variation of: accept, decline (but send more stuff), decline (good but not for us), and decline (WTF?). Impersonal, yes, though given some journals’ slush volume, one cannot expect anything more than that. Of course, there are editors who give personal responses (feedback, praise, flirtations)…we in the industry like to call them “saints.”
Fence’s current online submission process, though more “green,” manages to make the submission process even more impersonal with drop-down menus and boilerplate. I know Rebecca will shoot this down, but I thought, given everyone’s love of LOLcats, we should attempt to inject some levity into this relationship of rejector/rejected.
The following is a proposal for graphic rejections.
Decline #1:
This image says: umm, you almost had me, but your trite ending really killed it for me.
Decline #2:
Harsh, I know.
Then I got to thinking: you know, Charles, some people just cannot stand cats (cough, cough, Andy Mister). But everyone loves Creeley. For reals. Even my old boss with fake nails and shoulder pads loved Creeley.
Decline #1a:
For failed attempts at projective verse, we can use
Decline #1b:
or how about
Decline #1C:
What’s with Olson showing off his six pack all the time? Dude was a bear.
Decline #2:
To stroke the poet’s ego, we can use a little LZ
Decline #3:
Of course, for the 1% of slush that gets taken we can celebrate with
Accept #1:
This concludes my proposal as well as my week as guest blogger.
Thank you.
xcv