Hello, everyone, and welcome to the first meeting of the Please Stop Killing Us and Destroying Everything That Sustains Us Society.
I know that some people feel that organisation and protest are not the correct responses to recent events, including the events that involve us being killed and everything that sustains us being destroyed. Some people would have you believe that we need to go through the official channels if we expect our demands to end the slaughter and spoliation to be taken seriously. Some people maintain that, in a way, we are the ones who are killing and destroying when we call out those who kill us and destroy everything that sustains us.
Respectfully, I disagree.
As I look around this room, I see the amiable faces of friends, as inviting as warm bread. I see into your comradely hearts, as capacious as a well full of mulled wine. And I know that it would be a betrayal of this fellowship of the yet-unexpunged if we did not say politely and without embarrassment: please stop killing us and destroying everything that sustains us.
It may seem incredible that there are still some who have not heard our message, some who do not realise that we are dying and that we would like to stop dying. But it is the case. This is our work.
I am proud to stand before you tonight and say that maybe, if anyone listens to us, we will be the last ones to die. Maybe we will be the ones to stop this world turning to custard, to toxic caramel or poisonous butterscotch. And maybe, should our cause not be favoured, we can write the guilt of our persecutors into history, and the good etiquette of our struggle can inspire the next generation of irked petitioners.
Thank you. You’re welcome to stay for a chat and some of the refreshments we have left.